No laughing matter

I wanted some jokes about getting old. AI wasn’t a great help

So, I asked Chat GPT to write a tight five-minute comedy set about turning 60. How did it do? Well, I don’t think it should give up its day job.

However, I’ll let you be the judge. Here’s the script it churned out: (For non-Americans, AARP is the American Association of Retired Persons; CVS is a pharmacy chain; and I don’t think Regular Digest actually exists.)

Tight Five: The Perils of Turning 60

(steps up to mic, adjusts it, sighs dramatically)

Ahhh, sixty. The age where AARP sends you more mail than your own family. (beat)
I used to ignore it. Now, I open it up like it’s a college acceptance letter. “Ooooh! A discount on hearing aids! Honey, we made it!”

They tell you 60 is the new 40. No, it's not. 60 is the new “Where did I put my car?” 60 is the new “Why does my back hurt? I was just SITTING.”

You ever wake up and pull a muscle in your sleep? I used to dream about flying, now I wake up and I’ve sprained my shoulder rolling over.

And let’s talk about birthdays. At 21, people buy you shots. At 60, they buy you fiber. “Happy Birthday! Here’s a gift card to CVS and a subscription to ‘Regular Digest.’”

I can’t eat like I used to. Spicy food? That’s a crime against my intestines. At 20, I’d eat a burrito at midnight. At 60, I eat one grape too fast and I need a nap.

Speaking of naps, naps used to be optional. Now they sneak up on me. I sat down to tie my shoe the other day and woke up 40 minutes later. Shoe still untied.

And don’t get me started on technology. I used to be on the cutting edge—now my grandkids have to explain everything. “Grandpa, just double-click it.”
I did. Now the screen is frozen and I’m in Spanish mode.

And dating at 60? Ha! My idea of a wild night is staying awake through a whole movie. I met a woman who told me she likes long walks on the beach. I told her I like sitting down near a beach.

But I will say this—getting older has perks. People hold doors for you, you can say whatever you want, and if you forget someone’s name… people just assume it’s adorable. “Oh, grandpa, you’re so cute!” No, I’m not cute. I genuinely don’t know who you are.

Bottom line: turning 60 isn’t so bad. You get senior discounts, you stop caring what people think, and best of all… you’re still here. (beat) Now, if someone could help me off this stage, I think I pulled something.

Do you recognise any of those jokes? Did they make you laugh? Can you do better?